WHOLE STORY

HERE

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”

Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”

God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”

Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”

God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”

Jesse’s Interview

Batebi fled the country with the help of a Kurdish underground movement, which led him over mountains and minefields across the border into Iraq. Last month he was granted refuge in America and is still coming to terms with his strange new freedom.

“It is as if I’ve been hit by a huge wave and I won’t know where the earth begins and the sky ends until I’ve reached the shore,” he said.

WHOLE STORY

That’s just gotta hurt in ways I can’t fathom.

Olive Riley passed away this week. She was the world’s oldest blogger (very much worth the read if the server isn’t crashing). RIP Olive. May we all be as fortunate to have lived so well.

I did not understand this headline and thought it oxymoronic. Then I read the story. How could I not click on this headline. You’ve got to be kidding me with this one. It was clearly designed to grab attention. As if a live rat would have been any better, comes this headline out of the great state of Wisconsin. You gotta use feral rats lady, not nice clean lab rats. I also hear that they taste like chicken and are good with Chianti. For golfers, this headline was unexpected, but pleasant.

The American League won the All Star Game again this year meaning that the White Sox will have home field advantage against the Cubs in the World Series. Yes, I am serious about this prediction.

I thought this was kind of scary. Bloggers being censored is bad news. Here is more of the same from Google who “quarantined” several blogs that are anti-Obama. Wow. I guess we know how they will vote in November.

Yarbz finally got rid of his Jeep in favor of a new Volksvagon GTI. Congrats! It is nice. I am jealous. Fast and economical and sharp looking and with eighteen inch wheels!

From the I Hate It When That Happens files comes this story about a drunk 22 year old who fell into a bear enclosure and was ripped apart. OMG.

I loved this story about a cancer survivor whose name will soon be Courtney Courtney.

Nominees for Fucktard of the Week (kind of a slow week for Fucktardary for once):
Jon Schillaci. The death penalty would be too lenient.
77-year-old Helen Golay and 75-year-old Olga Rutterschmidt. Homeless men were “sacrificed at their altar of greed”.
Amber Brewington, 21. Postpartum depression is no excuse.

Shark jump. Wow.

The new Batman movie, The Dark Knight opens today. I want to see it. My son and his friends went to the midnight showing last night.

GNR will allegedly have a song from the mythical album “Chinese Democracy” on the new Rock Band game. Yeah. Right. I will believe it when I hear it.

Happy healthy weekends to all.

Senator Obama this morning said that he wants a foreign policy that is “tough, smart, and principled.” This afternoon, I ask: was it tough when Senator Obama voted to order U.S. forces to retreat from Iraq on a fixed timeline—regardless of the recommendations of our military commanders, regardless of conditions on the ground? Was it smart when Senator Obama opposed the surge and predicted that it would fail to improve security? Was it principled when Senator Obama said that he would order U.S. troops to retreat from Iraq, regardless of the humanitarian consequences for millions of innocent Iraqis—even genocide? Was it tough and principled when Senator Obama said he would be open to changing his plan for Iraq after going there and talking to General Petraeus—only to change that position a few hours later after being heatedly criticized by organizations like Moveon.org? I say respectfully, the answer to all of those questions is no.

Senator Obama also said this morning that he wants a foreign policy that recognizes that we have interests “not just in Baghdad, but in Kandahar and Karachi and Tokyo and London.” But what Senator Obama does not seem to recognize is that—in an interdependent world—what happens in Baghdad affects our interests in Kandahar and Karachi and Tokyo and London. What Senator Obama does not seem to understand is that—had we taken the course he had counseled and retreated from Iraq—the United States would have suffered a catastrophic defeat that would have left America and our allies less safe not just in Baghdad, but in Kandahar and Karachi and Tokyo and London.