File under Week 9 of 2009.
Mickey Rourke did not win an Oscar last Sunday night. I think that is a good thing.
Fucktards of the Week:
Eleven year old Jordan Brown leads our list of fucktards this week. He pre-mediated the death of his dad’s girlfriend and took her out with a .20 gauge.
Woodland, CA Dentist Mark Anderson is a fucktard for saying that his fondling of women while being treated was part of their treatment. Dude, you are doing it wrong. Use the gas!
Timothy Kooyman, a homeless guy from Rancho Coughalungup, CA who allegedly tortures cats. Sicko.
This Miami piano teacher, Mr. Amodor, who offed most of his entire family and himself, is clearly a fucktard.
William Linderman who beat a 79 year old man to death in Hartford. What a sick pup.
Sandra Renia Joseph, who murdered her eleven year old son by using her SUV. A sicker pup.
Birmingham, AL funeral director Harold Watson, Sr. is a fucktard for letting a corpse rot in his hearse for a while because the family didn’t pay him.
Joe Biden learned this week that the interweb does not work like telephones. If he was paying attention, he would have also learned that Nancy Pelosi had something stuck in her teeth during the President’s address to Congress on Tuesday evening.
Roland Burris is a fucktard for not resigning. This will be the last nail required to oust him.
I must add to the lists of fucktardists this week the management of Citigroup. Thanks for all those stock options you bastards.
Recovery.gov, Manned by Dr. Drew. Get it? Nice ash.
Headlines that I had to click this week included:
Smugglers send migrants overboard to drown. Wow.
Breaking News: Obamas select First Dog. Markets down. From this article we learn that the First Lady is not hung-up on size and the country seems to be hung-up on first pets.
Topless Coffee house gives neighbors the jitters.
Best job of the week: Painting Nude Carnival Models. Where does one get experience with this craft?
I have heard of penis envy, but antler envy? With serious behavioral transference manifestation? In elk? See below:
Bar stool envy
What is the opening chord on the Beatles Hard Days Night? Apparently folks have wrestled with this question for a while. It had never crossed my weak mind.
Here is an amazing story. Both Norm Van Lier and Johnny “Red” Kerr, broadcast partners and Bulls Fans, died yesterday. RIP dudes.
Enjoy your freedoms and happy healthy weekends to all.
February 26, 2009
Since we have “Name that Porn film”, let’s also play “name that gorilla“:
I like the name ‘Yarbz’.
February 25, 2009
Yes, my fellow Juggernutians, it’s time to pick the name of the porn film that OCTOMOM
Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French
It’s all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss
It’s all organized by the Italians
A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program. ”Guaranteed my ass,” he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day/ 10 pound weight loss program.
The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of NIKE running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, ”If you can catch me you can have me!”
Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, ”I like the way this company does business.”
The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised.
So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but REEBOK running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, ”If you can catch me, you can have me.”
He’s after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it’s worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he’s ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised!
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/ 50 pound loss program.
”Are you sure,” asks the representative on the phone, ”this is our most rigorous program…”
”Absolutely,” he replies. ” I haven’t felt this great in years!”
The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, ”If I catch you, I have you!!”’