CATAGORIES: CULTURLA & PENTURLA, WEEK IN REVIEW — FloridaBill @ 7:00 am

File under: Week 31 of 2007

After reviewing a WIR from a couple of weeks back, I noticed something very strange and frankly, quite bothersome. We have an area of study or two missing from the list on the left. To right that wrong, I have added them back in and honored the topic of Culturla (although it may not technically meet the official definition) with the pic above of Mary Louise Parker from the Showtime hit, Weeds . Someone else can post some penturla as appropriate. How could this oversight have happened? What are we coming to? I also posted a pic of the flying bus because I thought it provided an interesting perspective on the Minneapolis Bridge Collapse of 35W. What this place really needs is some high quality Photoshop work, but we understand the BlogLord must prioritize and has been very busy…

Tiger Woods won his 13th Major Championship last weekend with a win at the blistering hot Southern Hills in Tulsa, OK. Mr. Nicklaus, he is coming. By 2010, Tiger will have surpassed the Golden Bear with the most majors.

I thought this headline: Man Charged with Stealing Urine Samples was ripe for some word-play. I was right. Hey, if it is not mine, it must be urine.

Not only did Hawaii have to deal with a hurricane named Flossie (WTF kinda name is that anyway? Hurricanes should have big bold names, not sissy names like Flossie for Chrissakes!) but they also got rattled by a small earthquake this week. Meanwhile, Tropical storm Erin took a bead on Texas and Dean became the first real hurricane of the year. Wednesday evening, Peru suffered thru the horrors of a 7.9 tumbler. I can’t imagine what that must have been like and I have been in my share of Earthquakes.

The world’s oldest person died this week. She was 114. The world’s newest oldest person is also 114 and coincidentally, lives with the world’s tallest woman. Go figure.

Yesterday was the 30th anniversary of the death of “The King”, Elvis Presley and it is just killing people.

Do any of you care if the Berwyn Spindle is saved or not? I bet Wayne & Garth could save it if they tried.

Here are my nominees for Fucktard of the Week:
Nick A. Salinas of Cedar Hill, TX. Who shot up some folks on the freeway, then offed himself. The last part was the best part Nicky boy.
Eiken Elam Saimon who is from the Pacific islands of Micronesia and shot up a church, including the reverend. He, unlike Nicky, failed to off himself afterwards.
Steve Spurrier, who votes for Duke again in the coaches poll. Dipshit. Let’s get him a Duke Lacrosse tee-shirt! I think I know someone who might have one…
Ninisha Tiwari of Naperville, IL who set her home and her kids (and thankfully herself) on fire. OMG.
Maximillian Joel Gilmore who is currently missing, and apparently totally bat-shit crazy, but you gotta see his pic.
Mr. Jack McLellan who is identified as a “blogger” but in reality is a sick self-described pedophile who deserves nothing less than death. Kill him now before he does some real harm. Now I said.
Stanley Reimer of Kansas City also deserves some ridicule as he couldn’t afford to pay his wife’s medical bills, so he kissed her goodbye and then threw her off a balcony. She was 75 pounds and nearly blind. What a guy!
Kasey Kazee of Ashville, KY who wrapped his head in duct tape and tried to rob a liquor store. Check out that pic! He sorta looks like Andrew Dice Clay and his momma didn’t do him any favors with that name either, so fucktardary must run deep in the Kazee Klan.
Making a third appearance as a Fucktard of the Week is Michael Vick, quarterback, dog breeder, entrepreneur and big time Fucktard. Reportedly, if he accepts the plea agreement, he will do at least a year in prison. Can’t we just let some hungry pit bulls loose on him in a small cell after making him roll in hamburger meat for a few hours?
Also making a return appearance as a Fucktard of the Week nominee this week is Judge Roy Pearson, the pantless prick who sued for millions (including $15,000 to rent a car to take his dry cleaning elsewhere for the next 15 years!) over a pair of trousers. Now he appeals! More waste of time, effort and money from this litigious asspipe. I can GUARANTEE his dissatisfaction with the outcome of this case.
Our final return appearance this week is from NBA ref Tim Donaghy who bet on games he was officiating and has now plead guilty. I sincerely hope he has not destroyed the NBA, or that he somehow has helped the Bulls have a good season.
And our final nominee this week is a baseball veteran who was trying to make a comeback, Jose Offerman, who was hit by a pitch, then attacked the pitcher, bat in hand. You would think after 16 years in the game, he would know better. You gotta drop the bat dude. Now, he is just a fucktard. Interesting headline too I thought. What did he have against that poor bat? How does a bat wield anything? Some of those comments are good reading.

Speaking of good headlines, I didn’t know if this was funny or fucktardary? Perhaps a little of both there?

It was this headline that made me the most happy this week.

The rescue efforts in that Utah mine went horribly awry yesterday causing three rescuers to lose their lives. As predicted last week, I am afraid those first six are lost too.

This looks like something that ZappaCrappa might have gotten started. For $20, you can exact revenge and destroy the credit of someone who has wronged you. This just has bad juju written all over it.

Speaking of ZC, I was delighted to see that he and Trench hooked up this week. I wish I could have been there. Sounds like a good time. I am still waiting for that garage picture. Let’s see if we can’t get some other folks to show up at the Casa de BlogLord on September 22 for JuggFestIII (hopefully featuring some nipple rings this year).

Happy healthy weekends to all.