March 29, 2007
The message: “We will not invade, only fuck you up and keep you down if you continue to ack like stupid idiots…”
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, “That hurt, you stupid idiot?”
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVORITE…. .. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you!!!!
Mental Illness Is The Price We Pay For Keeping Creativity In The Gene Pool.
Or… Kids being kids…
This one is obviosuly a photoshop by somebody…
March 28, 2007
As I was too busy last week to complete Week in Review and I will be taking the family for a short Spring Break trip to Sheboygan (aren’t you jealous Zappa Crappa?) I thought I’d publish a Half Week in Review this week. Thanks to Dane for this week’s pic/prayer (apologies to the JuggHead Evangelical Atheists). Here we go:
March Madness finishes this weekend. Can Florida pull off one of the most difficult feats in sports? Whatever the end may be, it canâ€™t possibly be as Cinderella-like as Barton Bulldog Anthony Atkinson scoring 10 points to win the game with only 39 seconds left to win the NCAA Division II Championship. Not only is that spectacular, but it was the fourth time he hit a buzzer beater in four games! Barton has a total student population of 1100.
This story made me giggle for some reason. Strapping-on is one thing, but crocodiles?
The best news in the post-season football season so far (with the exception of Mr. Saban being announced as the Bama Head Coach) is that Joe Theisman will be leaving the booth on Monday Night Football, replaced by football guru Ron Jaworski. I love it. I have not liked (I am trying to use the word â€œhateâ€ less often) Theisman since he played with Notre Dame and actually cheered when he got his leg mangled by Lawrence Taylor in 1985 (not really). Good riddance.
On the flip side, we must all say goodbye to a published icon, Life Magazine. The rag has featured striking photography and important news reporting since 1936 (even though it had a couple of other death knells previously, this looks like it). Rest in Peace Life.
Yarbz posted earlier this week about the Fucktard who killed and then burned the remains of his girlfriend. As hideous as that is, it isnâ€™t as tragic as these refugees being tossed to sharks. I never cease to be amazed at how human beings will treat each other.
I totally HATE it when this happens. I have to use the word occassionally.
I stopped by and visited Spazticus last night. His divorce is nearly final and he already has a new woman with whom he is living in sin. You should all be jealous of how happy he seems. It was good to see him (if only for a few moments). I can no longer live vicariously thru his batchelorhood (which appears to be nearly over).
Finally, a Phillipino man kidnapped an entire busload of children, but let them all go in order to make a political statement. What a Fucktard.
Happy healthy weekends to all.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.