CATAGORIES: GENERAL NONSENSE — Yarbz @ 2:14 pm

BlogLord: The following is from The Captain:

This is truly a story that requires no commentary. The intrinsic appeal, the sympathetic nature of the protagonist, and that fact that it includes flatulence and playing with matches all but guarantees its place in the pantheon of immortal airplane horror stories. But then The Captain’s OCD kicked in and I wrote the commentary you see below this incredible story.

Flatulence Forces Plane to Land

By Associated Press
December 6 2006, 4:12 PM EST

NASHVILLE, Tenn. – An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing Monday morning after a passenger lit a match to disguise the scent of flatulence, authorities said.

The Dallas-bound flight was diverted to Nashville after several passengers reported smelling burning sulfur from the matches, said Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority. All 99 passengers and five crew members were taken off and screened while the plane was searched and luggage was screened.

The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal a “body odor,” Lowrance said. She had an unspecified medical condition, authorities said.

“It’s humorous in a way but you feel sorry for the individual, as well,” she said. “It’s unusual that someone would go to those measures to cover it up.”

The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane. The woman, who was not identified, was not charged in the incident.

There but for the grace of God go I. SO glad there was no Air Marshall on my flight back from Mexico after eating that mystery Burrito at the airport!

Quote of the Day from Lynn Lowrance: “It’s unusual that someone would go to those measures to cover it up.” Apparently Lynn never attended public schools. The ignition of the match quickly consumes the noxious flatus gases, thereby neutralizing the malodorous emission. Everyone who’s ever completed fifth grade knows this. Just what are the educational requirements for employment at the Nashville International Airport Authority?

It’s a little known fact that people with IBS never travel without a pack of matches.

This is off topic, but why in the world will they let you on a plane with a pack of matches but NOT a bottle of water?

And since when is flatulence a “scent”? Au De Flatulence – now on sale at the finer retail establishments near you! (This one’s a big hit with Wal-Mart greeters.)

Finally, The Captain can never condone fire play in an aluminum, jet-propelled missile 28,000 feet above the earth; however, we must not abandon reason altogether. Had the authorities done their homework, they would have known that no human being alone can produce sufficient quantities of Flatus and Methane gas to trigger an explosion powerful enough to bring down an aircraft. A little discretion please.

The Captain implores you all: Be kind to the Flatulent.

Your Incendiary Conscience,

The Captain