JuGgErNuTs: A bUnCh Of SpAzZeS

May 16, 2008

W.I.R (part deux)

CATAGORIES: CULTURLA & PENTURLA, GENERAL NONSENSE, MONEY, NEWS & BREAKING NEWS & FOLLOW-UP, OUCH!, SPERM, STUPID, IDIOTIC, LAME, RETARDED & IGNORANT PEOPLE, WEEK IN REVIEW, WTF — jorsabeck @ 1:46 pm

I don’t know how F.B. managed to miss this one!

Man Tries to Ditch Cheating Wife on eBay

The Internet has provided many ways for shaming those who have wronged you, and we thought we’d seen them all. That is, until Paul Osborn decided to auction off his “adulterous, lying, cheating, bitch, whore” of a wife on eBay…

Read the story HERE!

Comments (3) | 210 views

Week in Review

CATAGORIES: WEEK IN REVIEW — FloridaBill @ 7:09 am

File under Week 20 of 2008

I thought this was a great pic:

This one too:

We started the week with an earthquake in China and more tornadic activity in the US. Just like last week in Myanmar, the death toll in China went up every day. Some of the pictures are horrifying. I think Mother Nature is trying to kill Algore, but just can’t find him.

We got a good headline with a great quote from Sergio Garcia after winning the Players Championship.

How many of these wacky festivals would you want to attend? I want to go to the Redneck games!

Here is this weeks “Everybody Panic” headline. There are 30,000 giant pythons loose in the swamps of Florida and they are coming to get you. Really. This headline about an embryonic twin creeped me out. Here is a headline about beer that is a sure sign the economy is in recession. Folks, life is too short to drink crappy beer.

This was impressive:

This guy could change the whole world of business and personal travel.

The list of Fucktards this Week:

Jocelyn Kirsch and Edward Anderton, pictured above. May they rot.
Latangia Anderson, 23, Johnny Brown, 20, and Paris Moore, 19, all of Cleveland who participated in beating a man to death, stripping him naked and then urinating on his head. What a swell bunch of fellas.
These two un-named asshats who dug up a corpse and used the skull as a bong. Use a potato or a beer can or aluminum foil you idiots.
Jean Pierre Orlewicz, only 18 and going away for life for his little “thrill kill”. Buh Bye fucktard. Take some duct tape for your bunghole.
Speaking of Bungholes, Todd B. Barkau, 35, and the victim’s 44-year-old mother are clearly Fucktards for training a 12 year old to be a dominatrix. How could they?
Larnell Mace of Zion, IL who beat his 4 month old daughter to death. I don’t care how bad his upbringing was, his daughter now doesn’t get one. He should be beaten to death by Anderson, Brown & Moore from Cleveland and then get pissed on by anyone who is offended by his horrific actions.
This yet to be named Austrian ax murderer is clearly a Fucktard.
Brian Crowder who apparently likes setting the state of Florida on fire, is an arsonist and a fucktard. Nice mug shot dipshit.

Happy healthy weekends to all.

Comments (8) | 207 views

May 8, 2008

Week In Review

CATAGORIES: WEEK IN REVIEW — FloridaBill @ 3:25 pm

File under Week 19 of 2008 (once again business requires an early WIR)

The worst weather, hands down, and the worst news of the week of the week goes to Myanmar (fka: Burma). Wow. Even though they are a bunch of militarily run junta bastards, I feel for them all. One million people homeless. Over 100,000 likely dead. And they apparently don’t want help. Double wow. This tragedy also provides a “duh” headline this week (dangitall, they changed this one on me, it used to say: “Tragedy in Myanmar Could be a Major Disaster”, italics mine).

Myanmar

Chile had it’s own little natural display of Mother Earth’s power:

Last week’s Fucktard of the week is getting more strange and horrific with each passing day. What a piece of shit this dude is. I think Austria has some explaining to do as well for not immediately flushing him off the planet.
This week we have the following nominees:
Michael Louis Vondueren, who was found with 300 dead cats in his freezer in Sacramento. 300 dead cats? OMG.
This unnamed German woman (look under News of Doom) who was discovered to have three, count ‘em three dead babies in her freezer. What is it with Fucktards and freezers this week?
Rosie O’Donnell, who now agrees with Rev. Wrong. Nuf Said. I don’t think they make freezers big enough for Rosie and the Rev. Wrong.
Wayne Nelson Corliss who was the target of a world wide man hunt this week. They caught him. He played Santa. Isn’t that nice? He and Old Man Fritzl should be locked away in a secret cellar with a bunch of frozen dead cats and Rosie O’Donnell for the rest of eternity.

Whaddya think about this guy who ordered up a PBR coffin? I’d like Sam Adams Light please even though for years Budweiser was my brand of choice and frankly might make a more attractive coffin.

Are honey bees disappearing where you are? This could be a major disaster in the works. Are cell phones to blame?

Would you participate in Naked Fridays instead of casual Fridays?

I did not understand this headline until I read the story and realized it was a typo. I hope they have not fixed it.

From FARK was this story about a Ferris Buehler wannabe. Also on FARK was this story about a guy who flipped his car on the interstate. Check out the ironic T-shirt…

Speaking of irony, how about this cop who shot himself whilst demonstrating gun safety? Well done sir.

Happy healthy weekends to all.

Comments (2) | 224 views

April 25, 2008

Week in Review

CATAGORIES: WEEK IN REVIEW — FloridaBill @ 7:30 am

File under Week 17 of 2008

I want to thank everyone again for the great JuggFestSouth last weekend. I learned once again that Southern hospitality is real and tangible and warm and fuzzy. Special thanks to the Ttrogg family (he and his Mom and sisters and The Geekess are awesome hosts) and the Derf Family and Weirdsin for the fantastic food and a place to lay my head. DaneBramage is and always will be a good dear friend. What great friendships we have all shared over the years! JorsaBeck’s bbq sauce may stain, but it is damn good. I paid $26 for a fishing license and caught one teeny little bass, but it was well worth it. I probably do not need to drink again for a month. It was super good to see everyone and I can’t wait to see you all again.

With that said, let’s get on with the Week in Review:

This is the sexiest woman in the world (except Mrs. FB):

Megan Fox

Fucktards of the Week:
Rozlynn Rodgers, 19 who drowned her kid because it interfered with her “night life”.
James Earl “Jimmy” Carter, Jr. Anyone who calls Condi a liar is a Fucktard, but he goes and meets with Hamas, a known terrorist organization. Wow. I think that may well be a crime.
Whoever did this is certainly guilty of Fucktardary of major proportion.
These four big time Fucktards who shot a bank teller who was pregnant with twins. They survived. She did not.
Blade actor Wesley Snipes who tried like heck to avoid paying taxes. He might try the same thing with death.
This un-named 16 year old asshat from Mishawaka, IN who planned a Columbine-like attack. Get a grip dude.

Great headlines this week:
Priest Missing After Balloons Carry Him Off. They were mean and strong balloons.
AUSTRALIAN HOSPITAL FORCED TO CLOSE AFTER IT IS OVERRUN BY POISONOUS SPIDERS.
It was the great Australian spider stampede of 2008!
By a long-shot, this was my favorite headline this week. Eamus Catuli!
The truth in this headline is obvious. Ann Coulter rulz!
Dane already posted something about this one, but the headline is just too good.

And this, boys and girls, is how galaxies are made:

Hubble pic. Of what does it remind you?

This story about the separation of children from their polygamist parents bothers me deeply.

I thought this was an interesting human interest story about a guy who lives in our home town who has a sod roof. I always wondered about it and who lived there. Now I know.

Here is another keen story about a blind dude who kicked the crap out of an intruder. Well done sir!

Happy healthy weekends to all.

PS: Much love to Trench for filling in last week and continuing to chronicle fucktardary around the planet.

Comments (16) | 263 views

April 18, 2008

Mini WIR-Trench’s FOTWs

CATAGORIES: CRIME, STUPID, IDIOTIC, LAME, RETARDED & IGNORANT PEOPLE, WEEK IN REVIEW, WTF — Trench @ 9:17 am

I am but a pale comparison to Florida Bill but I thought I’d help out by nominating some Fucktards of the Week that I culled from my many websites. It just wouldn’t be Friday without Fucktards.

There’s the New Zealand scam artist who bragged to his victim after swindling him out of $1000.

Then there’s Alexander Zacarias, the child porn peddling birthday clown.

How about Sharon Patterson of Meriden, CT who dehydrated a two year old to death?

From the celebrity nominations comes Dr. Phil for bailing out one of the Florida YouTube attackers.

There’s also Matthew George of Canton, Ohio who kept his new bride in a dog cage with two pitbulls.

Then there’s this assclown who is going to make his son’s life hell in school.

And lastly we have this precious snowflake who thinks her school cafeteria is her own personal wrestling ring.

Everybody have fun and be safe this weekend especially those attending Juggfest South.

Next week FB will return for your regularly scheduled WIR.

Comments (3) | 177 views

April 11, 2008

Week in Review

CATAGORIES: WEEK IN REVIEW — FloridaBill @ 7:00 am

File under Week 15 of 2008

A cama, the first successful cross between a camel and a llama. I hope it is the last.

Do you remember the first beer that you ever drank? The first time you got drunk? They are about to re-release the one that stole my virginity in that regard. I am not sure that I want any Schlitz, but perhaps will give it a try for old times sake.

Despite my brilliant predictions, the Kansas Jayhawks won the NCAA National Basketball Championship Monday night over the Memphis Tigers. SalUki was right, the free throws cost them bad. The Lady Vols of Tennessee won back to back NCAA Women’s Championships and garnered coach Pat Summitt her 8th title.

William Singalargh leads us off this week as a hedgehog hurling Fucktard.
How about this dumb shit, Herman Flores Jr. He traded some heroin for a woman.
Harve L. Johnson beat a two year old to death with a video game controller. The dead child’s mother is a Fucktard as well. I think he wins hands down this week.
Nelly Vazquez-Salazar stabbed her six year old to death because she thought she was possessed. She does give Mr. Johnson a run as the biggest Fucktard this week.
I think all of the adults at the YFZ Ranch outside of Eldorado, TX are major Fucktards. I hope Warren Jeffs fries; after being raped and forced into marraige with a big dude named Bubba.
Perhaps elementary school Principal Daniel Markofsky should be our Fucktard of the Week for getting caught smoking dope in a motel room with a 16 year old girl and her younger sister.
They caught Cesar Laurean, who now makes the list for a second time. Fucktardicus maximus.

Headlines of the week:
Dad and Daughter Admit Incest Produced Babies. Eew.
Run, Condi, Run. She won’t, but it sure would be fun if she did.
‘THE GRID’ COULD SOON MAKE THE INTERNET OBSOLETE. Keen.
I wasn’t sure if this headline was good news or bad news.
This headline wasn’t all that noteable, but it was certainly one of the biggest stories (or at least the most covered stories) of the week.

To be fair to the ladies, I thought I’d post some penturla this week:

Any guess (no fair peeking, guess first and then hit the link, it’s more fun that way) who this may be:

This was very good news for fans of STP, but what happens to Velvet Revolver?

Whaddya think about this ad from Absolut Vodka? I think it is absolute bullshit.

Check out this video story of Joe Kittinger, the most heroic dude you never knew. My parents both went to High School with him.

Here is another feel good story about a Viking ship made from ice cream sticks.

One week to JuggerFest South. I am excited!

Happy healthy weekends to all.

Comments (13) | 176 views

April 4, 2008

Week in Review

CATAGORIES: WEEK IN REVIEW — FloridaBill @ 7:09 am

File under Week 14 of 2008

It is 3:00am, who do YOU want answering that call? Why is there a person on the floor? Also, Obama seems to have large hands and feet. You know what that means right? Big shoes and big gloves.

Mark Castillo leads us off this week as our first nominee for Fucktard of the Week. He pulled his little stunt at the hotel I stay at when in Baltimore.
Salvador Radilla is our second nominee because he stabbed his wife when she wouldn’t give him any.
How about cannibal wannabe Kevin Ray Underwood? He should really try salads.
Or how about Arthur Price, Jr. who likes to get wood and then give it to a metal picnic table? What a strange duck this guy is. Why wouldn’t he just take the table inside? Maybe take it on a date or to the movies? And what about the guy who turned him in and had three, count ‘em three; not one, not two, but THREE dvd’s of the guy banging the table? Wowsers. Who fucks metal tables? Honestly. Who records people fucking metal tables?
Leslie T. Williams is clearly a Fucktard of major proportion who deserves to be removed from the face of the Earth for what he has done.
Mr. Kevin Brown fits into that category as well after taking explosives into an airport in Orlando.
I have to put another Arthur, Mr. Arthur Craddock in as a Fucktard this week. He claims he was raped by a wombat and then began to speak Australian. Perhaps he and Arthur Price should hook-up, grab a metal table and go fuck each other silly. Just for fun and to kill some time, I “Googled” the word “fucktard” . I did not find a picture of a man getting raped by a wombat, but I should have.

From the “Don’t you Hate it When That Happens” file comes this story about fireworks and a cable landing on a crowd at Wrestlemania XXIVXLXLC. I hate it when that happens. This was reported earlier this week by JorsaBeck

Among the people who should STFU this week is Nancy Pelosi. Why does she even speak? I guess as Speaker of the House, she thinks it is her job, but she would do better to keep that trap shut. No one cares what you think Nancy.

Who was it that picked all four number one seeds going to the Final Four? Who? That’s right, I did. The winner? The only team in the Final Four to have never won a Championship: Memphis is my pick. UNC and UCLA will both be very tough. Kansas will fall.

Does Mr. T have super powers? Pity the fool who ignores the power of the T.

Interested in WWII POW stuff? You can get lost here for days studying the tunnel that was the subject of a Steve McQueen movie.

Since we were talking about the opening of baseball season earlier this week, I thought I’d share this story about Bill James who may have been the driving force behind the Red Sox two recent World Series Rings. There was a great story on 60 Minutes about him last Sunday night.

As for headlines this week, this one was depressing. This one is another testament to plastic surgery. This headline and the story are heartbreaking. Third graders? OMG. And from the “Who gives a shit” files comes this headline about some boy band that is reuniting. This headline is just shocking. How could they?

Funniest comment on the Nut this week: “I’ll never look at Larry Fine the same way again”.

For Feste, we have some Culturla this week:

Brazilboobs, hotter or cooler than France? (click the link for more nip-slip)

Two weeks until Birmingham. I can’t wait! MMTL, Geekess, Derfie, Weirdsin, Cin-Lin, WindRdr, Ttrogg, Rheggie and Dane (among others) should prepare for Jugg-Fest, Southern Style. Can we go to the Lake? To TattZoo’s? We must find a plan.

A co-worker just brought me a massage device for my chair that is AWESOME. It helps with the cramps from which I suffer.

Happy healthy weekends to all.

Comments (13) | 249 views

March 28, 2008

Week in Review

CATAGORIES: WEEK IN REVIEW — FloridaBill @ 7:02 am

File under Week 13 of 2008

Tortoise Cub.

The Chinese are going to be watching Americans at the Olympics like this tortoise is watching her cub. The Olympics are sort of underway with the beginning of the torch ceremony. It will remain interesting I am certain.

Celeste Grace Minardi makes out list of Fucktards this week for stabbing her son whilst in therapy. I think she needs a LOT more therapy, but perhaps without the knives this time.
Here is one of the worst headlines I’ve ever encountered. Those folks are also nominees this week for Fucktard of the Week.
Gary Michael Hilton returns as a major Fucktard this week. What a sick bastard.
Here is another group that interrupted Easter Sunday Mass with some fake blood and protests against the war. Fucktards all.
I thinks everyone in this story about an 11 year old that got tased is a Fucktard.

Again, sadly, this week we have this headline. The price of gas will soon ruinate us all. I hope we don’t have to continue to see that headline every week. It is getting way old.

This headline made me smile.

This was a sad and sobering headline.

I spent a couple of days in Hartford this week (and thusly we have a somewhat abbreviated version of WIR this week) and enjoyed time with Yarbz on Tuesday and again Wednesday when we shared a plane to Chicago. I always enjoy the time I get to spend with him.

Happy healthy weekends to all.

Comments (2) | 167 views

March 21, 2008

Week in Review

CATAGORIES: WEEK IN REVIEW — FloridaBill @ 7:03 am

File under week 12 of 2008
Welcome to Spring (it is ~~snowing~~ a freaking blizzard outside again and we expect 3 – 6 inches of the white stuff before the end of the night. Just damn!) It is also Good Friday and Purim and a Full Moon.

Tibet Protests were in the news a lot this week. With the Olympics just a few months away, things in China will get interesting. Tibet deserves it’s freedom, but the Chinese seem bent on assimilation and resistance may be futile.

They are out looking at the Barker ranch this week for more of the Manson Family victims. And you thought this story was long over. Maybe Charlie himself killed someone after all?

The story that made me go “OMG” was this one about a woman in France that wanted assisted suicide. Here is her picture so you will know why and understand.

Face Tumor lady

Carve yet another notch in the Clinton Belt of Mystery with the disappearance of the guy who built the Clinton Library. At least they found Vince Foster, eh?

As far as headlines this week, this one takes the prize. How is that even possible? I wonder if her new anus works as well as her old one?

It was not a good week to be a Bear Sterns stockholder; nor a Bear Stearns employee or customer. It was a very good week if you are Jamie Dimon at JP Morgan Chase.

It was a slow week for Fucktardary, but at least we have naked maurauder, Nicholas Hadzick, who went on a rampage in PA sans clothing. Yep, Nicky is our Fucktard of the Week.

Excited for the Big Tournament yet? I am not picking the Bulldogs, but this is a great story. I think the four top seeds will go all the way to the Final Four for the first time ever. Too bad for Coppin State.

From the “no way” files comes this story about a dolphin who did what humans could not: save a couple of whales. From the “I hate it when that happens” files comes this story about an eagle ray that jumped from the water and killed a woman. I guess her time was up.

People thought there was no way a tornado could hit Atlanta. They were wrong.

Happy healthy weekends to all.