Week in Review
File under Week 29 of 2008
That’s just gotta hurt in ways I can’t fathom.Olive Riley passed away this week. She was the world’s oldest blogger (very much worth the read if the server isn’t crashing). RIP Olive. May we all be as fortunate to have lived so well.
I did not understand this headline and thought it oxymoronic. Then I read the story. How could I not click on this headline. You’ve got to be kidding me with this one. It was clearly designed to grab attention. As if a live rat would have been any better, comes this headline out of the great state of Wisconsin. You gotta use feral rats lady, not nice clean lab rats. I also hear that they taste like chicken and are good with Chianti. For golfers, this headline was unexpected, but pleasant.
The American League won the All Star Game again this year meaning that the White Sox will have home field advantage against the Cubs in the World Series. Yes, I am serious about this prediction.
I thought this was kind of scary. Bloggers being censored is bad news. Here is more of the same from Google who “quarantined” several blogs that are anti-Obama. Wow. I guess we know how they will vote in November.
Yarbz finally got rid of his Jeep in favor of a new Volksvagon GTI. Congrats! It is nice. I am jealous. Fast and economical and sharp looking and with eighteen inch wheels!
From the I Hate It When That Happens files comes this story about a drunk 22 year old who fell into a bear enclosure and was ripped apart. OMG.
I loved this story about a cancer survivor whose name will soon be Courtney Courtney.
Nominees for Fucktard of the Week (kind of a slow week for Fucktardary for once):
Jon Schillaci. The death penalty would be too lenient.
77-year-old Helen Golay and 75-year-old Olga Rutterschmidt. Homeless men were “sacrificed at their altar of greed”.
Amber Brewington, 21. Postpartum depression is no excuse.
Shark jump. Wow.
The new Batman movie, The Dark Knight opens today. I want to see it. My son and his friends went to the midnight showing last night.
GNR will allegedly have a song from the mythical album “Chinese Democracy” on the new Rock Band game. Yeah. Right. I will believe it when I hear it.
Happy healthy weekends to all.
July 11, 2008
Week in Review
File under Week 28 of 2008
China Prepares to host the world (and perhaps shoot at them from crouched positions on motorized devices).
Without further photographic evidence, we cannot tell if this bat found in a bra was happy or just uncomfortable.
The State of Virginia is a bunch of phony’s for selling scratch off tickets when the major prize was given away over a month before they stopped selling the tickets, resulting in a zero chance to win $75k. I always have a zero chance of winning since I don’t play.
How about those Cubs? Harden should make a nice addition to the pitching and my prediction for a cross-town World Series is coming to fruition.
I was a minor fucktard (note the difference in capitalization) of sorts last weekend when I did not attend the Ted Nugent show. I also missed a couple of phone calls that would have gotten me there if I had been alert and sober. My bad. I like to think of myself as one who can be counted upon, and you shouldn’t have to call me repeatedly to confirm plans, but I blew it last weekend. I must try harder. (Or drink less or later).
I do not put myself in the same category as Lonnie Ramos or Edward Lanphear or Chaudry Rashad or Hans Reiser who are clearly Fucktards with a capital F. Here is an update on one of our Fucktards from last week, Puffer Fish Dude. Nice try buddy. I gotta think that Christie Brinkley’s soon-to-be-ex, Peter Cook is a Fucktard as well. The two resolved their differences yesterday and Christie got everything. Jesse Jackass makes our list this week (again and as pointed out by Spazticus earlier in the week) for saying that he supports the Obama campaign after saying he wanted to “cut his nuts off”. Nice thing for a Reverand to say, huh? Frankly, I loved hearing it.
Loved it.
However, it was clearly a low blow.
I did not understand this headline. Then I read the story. I sort of get it now.
I wonder why this headline was one of the most popular on Tuesday? And what about these two headlines next to each other on Wednesday on CNN:
• CNNMoney: Gas prices hold in record territory
• CNNMoney: Oil reverses course after 2-day slideI hate it when this happens:
Wet MazdaFrom the world of SuperHeroes this week, I give you Mr. Methane. What a blow hard.
This morning, there is a huge kerfluffle over the new I-phone. I bet Feste has one already.
This was the best news watermelon investors could have ever hoped for.
RIP to “Doc” Dwyer. You know who he was. Another RIP to Jesse Helms. They are gonna just love you in Hades. Buh-bye.
Helms with Ronald Reagan in 1983: ‘The more we remove penalties for being a bum, the more bum-ism is going to blossom’And I thought bum-ism was rating the rear ends of women! Go figure.
Happy healthy weekends to all.
July 3, 2008
Week in Review
File under Week 27 of 2008 (Early due to Fourth of July Holiday)
Here is my weekly list of Fucktards:
John Walsh of Cowra, Australia (not the one from America’s Most Wanted), who allegedly axed his family.
Although it goes without saying, the French Military are Le Fucktards for injuring 16 during a military demonstration.
Amanda Knox, Murderer and deluded Fucktardress.
James Kevin Pope is pretty deluded too. Instead of 4000 years in prison, why don’t they just off the bastard? He deserves it.
Edward F. Bachner of Rockford, IL is a Fucktard for even thinking he could get away with ordering some puffer toxin.
Nicholas T. Sheley. They found him before he killed again, and before the vigilantes got his ass. Too bad.
Buh-bye to Mark Dean Schwab who was executed in Florida this week. Seems that Florida is getting better at executing Fucktards. That’s good.
Michael Jacques is not good. He is a Fucktard pure and simple. He tried to get his niece into a sex ring and most likely killed her.We also have a group of anti-Fucktards this week in the Columbian military group who managed to get hostages released from the FARC (not to be confused with FARK)
As for headlines this week, how about this one about a giraffe that lead the animal escape from the circus. Or this one: Man Sells 10,000 Mosquito Corpses. He should come over to my backyard and get some more. Maybe you like this one about this woman’s exposed buttocks? This story about an ingnored woman who died in the ER got a lot of press this week. Wow. Maybe the hospital should be among our list of Fucktards this week? If I were a MDOT worker, I would avoid all honor dedications after reading this headline: Highway Dedication Honors Killed MDOT Workers.
Guess who now pays the highest sales tax in the country? That’s right: The City of Big Shoulders and Big Taxes that’s who! Thank you to Todd “little man” Stroger, the Cook County Board President for the tax that is in exces of 10%. Well done little man. Your father must be rolling over in his grave.
Happy healthy weekends to all. Happy Birthday to America and my Mom. Be safe and well on the Fourth!
June 20, 2008
Week in Review
File under Week 25 of 2008
Cedar River Flood
Happy Birthday to the Hula Hoop. It turned 50 yesterday.
A sad passing this week when Tim Russert passed away. He was a great journalist. He has had a very long send-off by his bretheren in the media.
Nominees for Fucktards of the week:
Sergio Casian Aguilar, ” Because his (son’s) injuries were so severe, the child will have to be identified through a blood or DNA test;” a toddler! OMG. I am glad they shot him dead. Fucktard.
Jose Luis Ortega is a Fucktard and a disgrace to men and Mexicans everywhere.
Starkeisha Brown and her girlfriend Krystal Mathews who apparently don’t like boys, especially 5 year old offspring that they tortured and burned and who is now fighting for his life in an LA hospital.
Brice Brian McMillan, 41, and his wife Sandra Elizabeth McMillan, 36 who tied their 13 year old to a tree until he died. Then, they looked all sad about it. Fucktards!
Is this woman a Black Widow Fucktard, or just unlucky? Me thinks the former.
James Bartholomew Huskey who video taped his abuse of a 9 year old and distributed it around the world. I think he should be distributed around the world in very tiny pink pieces.
Stafon Edward Thompson, 17, and Brian Lee Flowers, 16, both of Minneapolis who killed a mother and her son. The details are horrifying.
Jeff Pelo, from Bloomington, IL who went from Police Sargeant to Rapist real fast.I have an anti-Fucktard this week and believe it or not it is Jessica Simpson. Great Shirt! Please go check out the five reasons only stupid girls eat meat courtesy of the uber-smart people at PETA. #5 just killed me. Their knowledge of nutrition is underwhelming. The comment thread is OK to read in some parts (if you are still bored at work CinLin). And here is a sort of related story about the price of meat, iffin you are interested.
This was a funny thread too if you have a few more minutes to kill.
From Australia, comes our Dumbass law suit of the week. This girl is suing because they gave her a knife in cooking class. You have to read the story. You don’t mean they gave her a knife in cooking class?!?!!?
The what kings talk strategy? Huh? We call it “Bags” or “Bean-bags”in Illinois, not “corn holing”. Hoosiers!
How’s this for a headline: Sometimes it Rains Cement? And exactly how does this happen? Three times? Time to move and/or get a bulletproof vest.
In California, same sex marriages began after their Court ruled that they were legal. Just wait until they get to the same sex divorce part, then they will be sorry.
I want to reiterate that I called a Cross Town World Series in Chicago earlier in the year than this. The cops will start their plans for the same in August. I am excited! Fans get a preview this weekend.
I am also excited that as soon as we finish with this planet, we will have others to go ruin. Maybe they won’t have flooding, or pestulance, or vermin or war or evil people who eat meat…
There can only be one and it is the Celtics. Not much of a surprise there. They eat less meat than the Lakers I hear.
From the I hate it when that happens files comes this story about a woman injured by a thong.
What is it with the feet washing up in Canada? They found a fifth one this week. Scratch that, make it six.
Ethnic Chinese are being reclassified as “black” in South Africa. I guess that South-African-Chinese was just one too many hyphens.
I enjoyed this interesting diversion this week…Of course, I also ate a lot of animal generated protein this week, including an armadillo burrito yesterday at Chipotle, so maybe I am delirious.
Wha? Whoa! What was that? I’ve noticed that prices at the pumps stayed and did not increase this week. Hopefully a good sign. With Diesel still up over $2 per gallon from one year ago, it ain’t all that hopeful. Maybe we can afford meat again soon?
US Open results: Tiger and Rocco in a 18 hole playoff for all of the marbles. They tied! Then, Tiger wins in the first hole of sudden death. Tiger’s marble bag gets even biggerer. One of the greatest feats in sports history and his place in history needs to be enlarged. He then announces that he needs more surgery and will take the rest of the year off. Golf is doomed! I played last night in our league and will play some this weekend with my cousins in IN. I am certain there will be lots of meat at the BBQ on Saturday evening and I just hope and pray there won’t be any cornholing.
Happy healthy weekends to all.
June 13, 2008
Week in Review
File under Week 24 of 2008 (Happy Friday the 13th)
At least seven tornadoes touched down in the greater Chicago area last Saturday and this guy wants to save his stuffed salmon in Indiana. Upon reading this headline (WIR note: It has since been changed dangit), I thought “hey, maybe they should move to a different place”. They will likely be rebuilding this Boy Scout Camp if not relocating it after it was ravaged by a tornado on Wednesday evening. Four scouts lost their lives. Tornadoes Suck. Floods too.
Big Brown laid a Big Brown Egg at the Belmont and came in dead last after winning both the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness. Dead last to a 38 to 1 long shot. Go figure. I think he had all those mares on his mind and just wasn’t in the game.
Here is another hero gone down: Ken “The Snake” Stabler. He caught his third dewey on Monday morning. Check out his booking photo and the story that calls him “the hardest drinking man ever to wear the Crimson and White”. Joe Willy may have something to say about that.
Cedric Benson also caught another dewey and was booted from the Bears. Dumbass. He will soon be playing with Tank down in Dallas.
NASCAR was sued by a former employee. You can read the suit here and then let me know what you think. I think she made a bunch of that shit up.
The Chicago Bulls have hired Vinnie “Don’t call me Negro” Del Negro as their new head coach. Note that the headline uses the words “hand” and “job” and that pretty much describes how the Bulls will perform with him as the coach. He has no coaching experience whatsoever. Nice. Well done Mr. Paxson. Reinsdork saves another penny.
In other sports this week, there can only be one and it looks like it will be the Celtics.
CinLin posted on the demise of journalist and sportscaster Jim McKay. I wonder what he would have said about this picture:
(Coco Crisp; is that the dudes real name?)
There was big news in tomatoes this week when a salmonella outbreak caused most places to go tomato free.
This article reminded me of what Yarbz has been saying for years about vinyl.
This guy may want to have his head examined.
How about this headline: Single Horned Beast Appears ? The thing is hardly a beast and why can’t they just say unicorn?
This guy takes the cake in Fucktardary and his conviction seems to be most righteous. I bet he enjoys further torture whilst in the care of the state. He was given some strong competition this week from this Fucktard in Japan. Then there were these two Fucktards (warning: graphic content that may make you ill), Nymeen Cheatham, 30, and her companion Lemar Martin, 25, who did horrible things to a 3 year old until they killed him. They should suffer the same fate. Repeatedly. He was only three. Now he is gone.
As if this was news to anybody. How can the price of gas go up EVERYDAY? This ain’t supply and demand at work here, it is greed.
I hate to provide another link from a popular source, but this story about high grocery prices was just too depressing not to post. With the weather destroying crops in the Midwest, it can only get worse.
Happy healthy weekends to all.
May 30, 2008
Week in Review
File under Week 22 of 2008
Notable events of the Week:
We got the pool opened, cleaned, balanced and used it a bit over the Memorial Day weekend. Then the temps dropped thirty or so degrees overnight and we all were wearing winter coats around here again. I freakin HATE global warming.
The Phoenix lander arrived on Mars. We watched the live feed from the JPL lab in Pasadena. Way cool. I get a kick out of the project manager’s name: Fuk Li. I wonder if he has any sisters? By then end of the week, the had all the glitches worked out.
Horrific weather continued in the Midwest. Hot, cold, tornadoes, what’s next? An entire town in Minnesota was nearly blown away (also a feel-good insurance story).
Speaking of being blown away, I hate it when this happens.
This guy apparently wanted to get blown, but ended up trying to kill his wife on their honeymoon. Can you say Fucktard?
Although also on the lines of being “blown”, this thoroughly disgusted me. I mean W. T. F.? Anyone guilty of this behavior is beyond a Fucktard. They are trash and should be incinerated.
This headline kinda grossed me out too, but in a different way. I wonder how he learned he could squirt milk from his eyes? Yuck.
Other great headlines:
UFO Blows Up Over Vietnam
“Monkeys Control Robots With Their Minds“ (with some editorial license)
I am sure the Vatican has people shaking in their boots with this headline: Vatican sends threat over women priestsWatch out for the trains in Italy. They are robbing, drugging and killing people.
This had to be really bad news for the asses of the astronauts (not that they ARE asses mind you) on the International Space Station. Their toilet is broke. What a crappy thing to happen. What does one do when their loo is on the fritz in space? I am certain they are all pissed. (Oh behave!)
This site is most worthy of your inspection and time.
In the world of Anti Fucktardary: Sharkelia Taylor (her parents are Fucktards for naming her Sharkelia). In yet another tale that involves both Fucktardary and Anti-fucktardary is this one about a store clerk (the Anti-Fucktard) and a thief, Marc Antoine Stovall (the Fucktard). Both had guns! It seems that lead may be both the source of all Fucktardary on the planet and the cure….
Happy healthy weekends to all.
May 22, 2008
Week in Review
File under Week 21 of 2008 (again a day early this week as I am making a four day weekend out of Memorial Day Weekend)
More bad news from China started the week when we learned that the death toll may top 70k and 200 relief workers were buried in mud following another aftershock that created a landslide. Over 5 million people are now homeless.
In other bad news, Ted Kennedy did not die but he did have a seizure. On Tuesday, we learned what his problem has been all along. BTW, and as I stated in a comment thread earlier this week, I do not like him, but I wish him no ill.
Here is a picture of some treasure found off the coast of Florida. Now I know there are lots of different kinds of spoons (desert spoons, baby spoons, teaspoons, runcible spoons, etc.), but an ear wax spoon?
Record gas prices hit new highs again every freakin day this week. Where will it end? Over $50 to fill up the Jimmy this week. I remember bitching when it got to $35…one of the stations I pass on my commute to work went up twenty cents (from $3.95 to $4.15 per gallon) in one day!
When I read the caption for this picture, I was reminded of Yarbz, who would have done exactly the same thing.
Here is a pic of Florida Dad supervising the delivery of his new toy (which actually happened last week, but I didn’t get the pics until this week):
Also technically last week, but I could not resist posting this headline: Drag Queen Robs Burger King.
This was one of the funniest things I saw this week.
At the suggestion of Sloel, I am suggesting the following as ANTI-Fucktards this week:
Jeff Greenwood, class president, Valedictorian and soloist extraordinaire.
Kent Desormeaux who jockeyed the colt Big (or Bif as they called him in the original headline which is now fixed) Brown to a second win towards the triple crown in horse racing.
John McCain who joked about his age on SNL. Check out the links on that link; the Rolling Stone meme thread is priceless (John McCain is so old…).
Joe Salazar, Sr. Who saved his son from some kind of big cat attack.
T. Boone Pickens, who has one of the best names ever and wants to build wind farms. Goddang I feel green just posting that.
Jon Lester, cancer survivor and now a proud owner of a no-no.
Finally we have Mike Berman, who, along with his car dealership, donated a SUV to a woman in need.It is MUCH more difficult to find Anti-Fucktards than fucktards.
Happy healthy weekends to all.
May 16, 2008
W.I.R (part deux)
I don’t know how F.B. managed to miss this one!
Man Tries to Ditch Cheating Wife on eBay
The Internet has provided many ways for shaming those who have wronged you, and we thought we’d seen them all. That is, until Paul Osborn decided to auction off his “adulterous, lying, cheating, bitch, whore” of a wife on eBay…
Read the story HERE!
Week in Review
File under Week 20 of 2008
I thought this was a great pic:
This one too:
We started the week with an earthquake in China and more tornadic activity in the US. Just like last week in Myanmar, the death toll in China went up every day. Some of the pictures are horrifying. I think Mother Nature is trying to kill Algore, but just can’t find him.
We got a good headline with a great quote from Sergio Garcia after winning the Players Championship.
How many of these wacky festivals would you want to attend? I want to go to the Redneck games!
Here is this weeks “Everybody Panic” headline. There are 30,000 giant pythons loose in the swamps of Florida and they are coming to get you. Really. This headline about an embryonic twin creeped me out. Here is a headline about beer that is a sure sign the economy is in recession. Folks, life is too short to drink crappy beer.
This was impressive:
This guy could change the whole world of business and personal travel.The list of Fucktards this Week:
Jocelyn Kirsch and Edward Anderton, pictured above. May they rot.
Latangia Anderson, 23, Johnny Brown, 20, and Paris Moore, 19, all of Cleveland who participated in beating a man to death, stripping him naked and then urinating on his head. What a swell bunch of fellas.
These two un-named asshats who dug up a corpse and used the skull as a bong. Use a potato or a beer can or aluminum foil you idiots.
Jean Pierre Orlewicz, only 18 and going away for life for his little “thrill kill”. Buh Bye fucktard. Take some duct tape for your bunghole.
Speaking of Bungholes, Todd B. Barkau, 35, and the victim’s 44-year-old mother are clearly Fucktards for training a 12 year old to be a dominatrix. How could they?
Larnell Mace of Zion, IL who beat his 4 month old daughter to death. I don’t care how bad his upbringing was, his daughter now doesn’t get one. He should be beaten to death by Anderson, Brown & Moore from Cleveland and then get pissed on by anyone who is offended by his horrific actions.
This yet to be named Austrian ax murderer is clearly a Fucktard.
Brian Crowder who apparently likes setting the state of Florida on fire, is an arsonist and a fucktard. Nice mug shot dipshit.Happy healthy weekends to all.
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