CATAGORIES: GENERAL NONSENSE, HUMOR, SPERM — Yarbz @ 11:00 am

Being the mouthpiece of the oppressed, the downtrodden, the underdog and everyone else the Statue of Liberty talks about, The Captain is morally but more likely compulsively obliged to comment on another in the long line of injustices so ignominiously served upon the fairer sex (that’s sexist yet poetic lingo for “females”). Of course, some just call me a mouthpiece, often subtracting “piece”. Be that as it may, I cannot stand idly by when half of our population is slighted by the subtle but sinister transformation of Take Your Daughters to Work Day into Take Your Daughters, Sons, Nieces, Nephews, Street Urchins and Marginal Relations to Work Day.

Given the longstanding state of inequity between male and female in the workplace, this event was designed to encourage young women to enter for a day the magical kingdom of the working world to fan the sparks of a dream career. The fact that the working world is in truth a dysfunctional, unfulfilling rat race is beside the point. Women should have an equal opportunity to partake in the spirit-sapping drudgery should they choose to do so. This day was originally just for women but, like the TV remote, has been co-opted by men!

The Captain was a witness to one particular event which illustrates the extent to which this event has drifted off course. While pretending to work out at the local fitness center, I watched as a mother brought her adolescent son in for a tour of the facility to kill time, because, as we all know, Take Your Daughters, Sons, Nieces, Nephews, Street Urchins and Marginal Relations to Work Day could just as easily be called Take Your Daughters, Sons, Nieces, Nephews, Street Urchins and Marginal Relations to Work Day to make photocopies, provide an excuse to go out to lunch, and play Whack-a-Mole on your work computer Day. Lo and behold, the beady little eyes of the fat boy focused with laser-like precision on the glorious gluteus of an attractive female fitness instructor. Mom caught the little bugger in the act and, before The Captain could give the boy a knowing wink, Mother and Son were gone in a flash, leaving behind only the echoes of a profanity-laced tongue lashing! I’ve forgotten my point, but I think it had something to do with the fact that I don’t think this is what the original founders of the event had in mind.

And one final editorial comment for my coworkers in the Claim Department. Bringing your child to work could be seen as a tacit approval of a future career as a Claims Adjuster. You don’t tell your kids about that pot you smoke, do you? Then why in the name of Susan B. Anthony would you let them know that you work for an insurance company??? In the Claim Dept.??? Parental negligence for sure and borderline criminal if you ask me. To this day, my kids have no idea what I do for a living, and it’s going to stay that way.

For the record, The Captain’s crew, my (legitimate) offspring, were all in school where they were legally required to be. The illegitimate ones are all gainfully employed in the Merchant Marine.

Believe The Captain when he says: Bringing your children to work on a school day makes you an accomplice to Truancy!

Yours compulsively,

The Captain